"Mommy, who do you like more, me or Mei Mei (little sis in Chinese)?"
My 6 yo daughter Bella asked me this very challenging question that all parents want to avoid.
I noticed my brain went straight to the most political answer: "both." But hold on, what about being honest and telling the truth?
So I told her the truth: "Hey sweetie, you know sometimes when you are yelling and kicking, I like Mei Mei better. And sometimes when she's not cooperating and I get really mad at her, I like you better."
I could see my daughter's brain processing this, and I went on: "Do you remember the time you were really mad at me? I bet at that time you liked Daddy better. And when Daddy says things you don't like and Mommy is comforting you, I bet you like me better, right?"
My daughter looked at me and nodded her head. I kissed her face and said, "Yeah, sometimes I like you more and sometimes I like Mei Mei more. Meanwhile, I love you both."
LOL, there goes my "political correctness."
I hope someday she gets what I'm sharing with her: that "like" is a feeling, similar to how we label our other emotions such as anger, sad, happy etc. A lot of the time it is generated by comparing and contrasting; it can be more or less.
But love is a state. It is that warmness coming from the heart and expands beyond the body and space. That we always have, regardless of what happens.
p.s. If this landed for you, especially if you've spent your whole life getting really good at "should," and love somehow feels harder to access – I'd love to explore that with you. As a Life and Career Coach, first session is free if we're a good match. Link in bio.